| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Strength Testing: max pushups 60 secs: 5/14: 20 on knees, 5 off 6/18: 10 on knees, 20 off Progress, not perfection... | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Month 1: Potato Makes Some Progress
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Digression:
I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow; but through it all I still know that just to be alive is a grand thing.
~ Agatha Christie
This is not about fitness, or couches, pototoes, or princesses.
Sometimes, a small slice of life lurches out of my peripheral view and smashes right into my face, demanding attention like a neglected child. Sometimes, the best laid plans go awry. Sometimes, pain really is the best professor. Sometimes, what I was sure of becomes a question mark. Sometimes, this is okay.
I do like living. I like the act of being alive. Not just sucking air and taking up ether-space. But Living. It hurts, it's messy, unpredictable, terrifying and glorious; sometimes living is all of these all at once. I like the feeling of working for my accomplishments. I like to earn, rather than be handed opportunities. I like dedication and committment and loyalty, even when an outcome doesn't unfold quite like I expected. When I paint, I get paint in my hair, on my thighs, under my fingernails, on my feet--everywhere. I live like this too. When I sing, I pull the notes from deep within my solar plexus--I'm pretty sure this is where I pull tenacity and courage from as well. When I snuggle with my daughter, I am no more or less of the human I was before she was in my arms--but I'm certain that I'm just enough of a human for her. When I make plans, I'm aware that futures have a way of falling down mid-flight (thanks to The Desiderata for that line). But I still like living.
I'm glad I don't go through life unassisted. I'm content with my small cadre of Friends. They are gorgeously multi-faceted people who have helped carve me into the shapes I am. Sometimes, they are the few obstacles between me and my insanity. I need them and I love them.
I have questions, my head is a dangerous playground, I let fear cloud my vision. But I still like living.
(for jenna--thank you.)
~ Agatha Christie
This is not about fitness, or couches, pototoes, or princesses.
Sometimes, a small slice of life lurches out of my peripheral view and smashes right into my face, demanding attention like a neglected child. Sometimes, the best laid plans go awry. Sometimes, pain really is the best professor. Sometimes, what I was sure of becomes a question mark. Sometimes, this is okay.
I do like living. I like the act of being alive. Not just sucking air and taking up ether-space. But Living. It hurts, it's messy, unpredictable, terrifying and glorious; sometimes living is all of these all at once. I like the feeling of working for my accomplishments. I like to earn, rather than be handed opportunities. I like dedication and committment and loyalty, even when an outcome doesn't unfold quite like I expected. When I paint, I get paint in my hair, on my thighs, under my fingernails, on my feet--everywhere. I live like this too. When I sing, I pull the notes from deep within my solar plexus--I'm pretty sure this is where I pull tenacity and courage from as well. When I snuggle with my daughter, I am no more or less of the human I was before she was in my arms--but I'm certain that I'm just enough of a human for her. When I make plans, I'm aware that futures have a way of falling down mid-flight (thanks to The Desiderata for that line). But I still like living.
I'm glad I don't go through life unassisted. I'm content with my small cadre of Friends. They are gorgeously multi-faceted people who have helped carve me into the shapes I am. Sometimes, they are the few obstacles between me and my insanity. I need them and I love them.
I have questions, my head is a dangerous playground, I let fear cloud my vision. But I still like living.
(for jenna--thank you.)
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Week 4: The L Word
Lazy. Laziness. Lazing. Lazed. In whatever form it appears, I fear this word. What if I don't recover from a bout of laziness? What if lazy replaces inspiration and I backslide right back onto the couch? What if, indeed.
I'm wrapping up my fourth week and heading into my fifth week of this intrepid journey. If you're still reading this, gods bless you. If you've grown weary/bored/uninterested, well, I don't blame you--I might too, if I wasn't writing the silly thing! But, I digress.
I had a most enlightening conversation with a girl friend and realized something important: changing what I do, is just as important as changing what I think about what I do.
My body has protested many of the thousands of steps I have taken in the past month; my muscles have groaned in protest to the pushing and pulling I have been engaged in; my feet are demanding new shoes; I've never been so tired and had so much energy at the same time. Habits are forming, albeit slowly, in my own potatoey way. I am DOING. I hiked Camelback Mountain (just over a mile long, and nearly an equal distance straight up), it was very very hard, but I made it to the summit. And back. Barely, though--a kind stranger had to force feed me pink Gatorade because I was getting heat exhaustion. I jogged in Dreamy Draw Park--lots of hills, lots of rocks. I twisted my ankle on Friday during that venture. Ouches, but nothing ice, elevation of foot, and low-impact cardio can't heal! I played more tennis--and I'm getting worse. Anyone want to coach me? I know absolutely Nothing about the game. But I have a lot of fun bashing a neon greenish-yellow ball around with a racket and running all over the court, so it pretty much counts as a wicked good cardio session!
And then, my brain happens. You know the feeling: you're wrapped in the warmth of self-acceptance and accomplishment, patting yourself on the head, basking in the glow of others' encouragement, then, BAM. Your tape cranks to life. "Why do you even bother? You're only going to fail miserably. Even if you do manage to lose weight, you're still going to look terrible when your clothes come off. What's the point to all this? They're still all going to laugh at you. You are lazy, ineffectual, self-destructive." Etc., etc., etc...Sigh. The not-enoughs will kill any dream, every time.
So, getting back to that conversation I had with my girl-friend...I've developed a counter-punch to all that fear-based ('scuse my French) bullshit my mind manufactures when it needs attention. A mantra, a frame of mind, a refusal to prove those insidious tapes right. I am ready for this life--that is why I'm living it. I can do everything I'm setting out to do--that is why I'm doing it. I leave myself, my heart, my arms open--not to be hurt, but to welcome the next opportunity. I can accept the natural consequences of all of my decisions. I can make decisions to benefit myself, my family & friends, and lord help me, even the world. I am capable. I am learning. I am free. I am not those thoughts or those fears, just as I am not my successes or my aspirations. I am so much more than the sum of my parts. So are you.
Courage will never be enough of an antidote to nullify my brand of fear--too much ego in there(no really, check the word out again: cOuraGE). That brings me to that mantra I mentioned before: my new L word. Love. Love, love, love, love, love. With love, we cannot fail. Listen. You hear that? That is the sound of the tapes grinding to a halt, power lost. Love 1, Tape O. I win. So do you.
I'm wrapping up my fourth week and heading into my fifth week of this intrepid journey. If you're still reading this, gods bless you. If you've grown weary/bored/uninterested, well, I don't blame you--I might too, if I wasn't writing the silly thing! But, I digress.
I had a most enlightening conversation with a girl friend and realized something important: changing what I do, is just as important as changing what I think about what I do.
My body has protested many of the thousands of steps I have taken in the past month; my muscles have groaned in protest to the pushing and pulling I have been engaged in; my feet are demanding new shoes; I've never been so tired and had so much energy at the same time. Habits are forming, albeit slowly, in my own potatoey way. I am DOING. I hiked Camelback Mountain (just over a mile long, and nearly an equal distance straight up), it was very very hard, but I made it to the summit. And back. Barely, though--a kind stranger had to force feed me pink Gatorade because I was getting heat exhaustion. I jogged in Dreamy Draw Park--lots of hills, lots of rocks. I twisted my ankle on Friday during that venture. Ouches, but nothing ice, elevation of foot, and low-impact cardio can't heal! I played more tennis--and I'm getting worse. Anyone want to coach me? I know absolutely Nothing about the game. But I have a lot of fun bashing a neon greenish-yellow ball around with a racket and running all over the court, so it pretty much counts as a wicked good cardio session!
And then, my brain happens. You know the feeling: you're wrapped in the warmth of self-acceptance and accomplishment, patting yourself on the head, basking in the glow of others' encouragement, then, BAM. Your tape cranks to life. "Why do you even bother? You're only going to fail miserably. Even if you do manage to lose weight, you're still going to look terrible when your clothes come off. What's the point to all this? They're still all going to laugh at you. You are lazy, ineffectual, self-destructive." Etc., etc., etc...Sigh. The not-enoughs will kill any dream, every time.
So, getting back to that conversation I had with my girl-friend...I've developed a counter-punch to all that fear-based ('scuse my French) bullshit my mind manufactures when it needs attention. A mantra, a frame of mind, a refusal to prove those insidious tapes right. I am ready for this life--that is why I'm living it. I can do everything I'm setting out to do--that is why I'm doing it. I leave myself, my heart, my arms open--not to be hurt, but to welcome the next opportunity. I can accept the natural consequences of all of my decisions. I can make decisions to benefit myself, my family & friends, and lord help me, even the world. I am capable. I am learning. I am free. I am not those thoughts or those fears, just as I am not my successes or my aspirations. I am so much more than the sum of my parts. So are you.
Courage will never be enough of an antidote to nullify my brand of fear--too much ego in there(no really, check the word out again: cOuraGE). That brings me to that mantra I mentioned before: my new L word. Love. Love, love, love, love, love. With love, we cannot fail. Listen. You hear that? That is the sound of the tapes grinding to a halt, power lost. Love 1, Tape O. I win. So do you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
